June 18, 2009
There was not a corner of my skin that his hands didn’t explore. That night the words were unnecessary. Once our lips touched for the first time, we couldn’t stop the cascade of passion that took over ourselves. I held him tight, my hands playing with his silky hair. His lips moved slowly from across my neck to reach my breast. I unbuttoned his shirt with some difficulty, resulting from my nervousness. He helped me with one hand, while the other one was sliding down the straps of my top.
My feverish body trembled as he caught my nipples gently with his teeth. I rolled on top of him and drowned on his chest. The heat of our bodies released a fragrance that unleashed some kind of wild animal in me. I reached for his pants, about to explode, and tasted him all over. He twisted a strand of my hair and closed his eyes to surrender to the pleasure.The next moment, he was holding me in his muscular arms and laying me down carefully in bed. He pulled down my jeans and I kicked them out. It was my turn to close my eyes. I let a scream out of my mouth and my back curled up, leaving room for his hands to draw the curve from my waist to my hips.
I don’t know for how long we melted together. If a thought tried to invade my mind and disrupt the magic of the moment, I slapped it away. It was easier than I’ve imagined. I felt safe in Matthew’s arms. The time seemed to had stopped to give us a glance of eternity. We made love over and over, until we had no more strength and I fell asleep under his embrace.
When I woke up, I was covered in sweat. It was 5:30 am. I was alone in bed. I looked around me, searching for Matthew, still groggy, but I couldn’t find him, except in my dream. It had been so real that I could still taste him.
I couldn’t go back to sleep, and I couldn’t stop thinking about my dream. I smelled the coffee that my husband was brewing and I could feel the same melancholy of the previous day coming back without compassion. I hugged my pillow in confusion. Then I decided to jump out of bed and canalize this burning energy into something that will distract me: the gym. I climbed on the treadmill and run four miles. But I still couldn’t stop thinking about the dream. The sweat rolling down my face reminded me of the intensity of our encounter and the taste of Matthew’s lips. I started to feel so high that I had to increase the pace so that nobody will notice that I was suddenly hyperventilating.
After a long shower, I did my best to cool down and continue with my day. I had promised to take my son to Toys ’R’ us, to pick out some toys with the $100 that he got for getting straight “A”s in his fourth grade report card.
I was looking at Legos when the avalanche of text messages started. I had send him a message before going to bed last night. I was sad because he got a new job and we weren’t going to be working together anymore:
“Thanks for the catheters and the pumps, I miss you already”, my message read.
“You’re welcome. Don’t miss me, just see me sometimes”, he replied. Nathan asked me how much money will it cost to get three Lego sets that he had picked. I tried to do the math and text Matthew back, giving my son a number that was way over one $100, so he let a groan out and kept looking.
“I guess I’m out of excuses, since I have all your pumps and catheters, and we’re not going to be working together” I explained.
“Why do you need and excuse?” I wasn’t sure how to answer. Nathan kept asking me about the prices, so I told him to estimate and add about 10% for taxes. He starting adding up aloud and I wrote:
“Cuz otherwise it will be undeniable...” As soon as I pushed the “Send” key, I realized that I have just confessed to him what I didn’t want anyone to know. I couldn’t believe I said that! His next message was more shocking, evidently he already knew it:
“You and I are going to end up in bed if we’re not careful”.
We have moved to the next aisle and I had flashbacks of my dream. I was speechless. I didn’t reply for a while and after he asked me if cat has gotten my tongue, I said:
“I’m just trying to recover for a thought I had”.
Nathan had done an unbelievable job at estimating that he was getting two Lego sets and a Bionicle for about $90. I didn’t double checked him, just rolled the car to the register, feeling my heartbeat too loud.
“I want to hear it” showed on my screen. “No, you don’t”, I responded. “I already know”.
I payed $91.67, very impressed about my son’s accuracy. His smile brightened up the overcast morning. I started driving back home. The next messages became increasingly hot, and I started to feel uncomfortable. I probably stopped sending messages and that’s when my phone rang.
Matthew’s voice was somehow apologetic, but I didn’t really mind, because I had seen it all and I had done it all the previous night. I talked to him about my dream, which aroused him even more. I felt so awkward, confessing all these feelings that I’d restrained since the first day that I looked into his dreamy eyes.
