Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds
I knew I had to
stop talking to Matthew, but I really didn’t want to. It felt great knowing
that someone was feeling fascinated by me. It was exciting to read his messages and feel aroused in the
middle of the day, in the strangest places, to get carried away fantasizing
about him, feeling the burning desire to run to his side. Could this be
harmless?
There was a
phrase in the book that got stuck on my head “it will be as if it never
existed”. I thought that was probably the
way it had to be between Matthew and me, for the sake of my marriage and our
sanity. Matthew was just coming out of divorce, after twenty years of marriage,
nothing easy to overcome. He was vulnerable to my encouraging words during
training sessions, and my uneasy way of acting when he was around me. It had
never crossed my mind that we were going to go this far, but now there was no
way to keep it to ourselves anymore. And it was getting too dangerous for both
of us. It had to be that way, as if it never existed…
The thought of
hurting my husband gave me the goose bumps. Larry and I were sort of the
perfect couple from the distance. Together we had conquered financial,
parenting and even previous relationship challenges, and enjoyed a strong connection.
However, our intimate life had been neglected for the last two or three years,
to the point of total absence of sexual contact in the last ten or eleven
months. I had gotten used to go
alone to my flameless bed, and had chosen to avoid thinking about it by
submerging myself in good readings and some attempts to write. The source of my
inspiration, however, was weak and flaky, until Matthew injected me with a dose
of passion that reignited my literary dormant genius. I thought about our texts as I closed my book and my eyes to
sleep.
When I woke up
the next morning, I didn’t want to face another day in pain. My heart was
broken and the pieces were all over my room. I picked them up slowly and forced
myself out of bed. I washed my face, in a silly attempt to clean the shame, and
walked downstairs to get my daily cup of coffee. Larry stood in the kitchen, as if he’s been waiting for me.
“We have to
talk”, he demanded. “We have to talk about Matthew”
I felt as if I
was free falling from one of those rides that just drop you unexpectedly.
