A bright ray of sunshine snuck through a crooked blind and kissed me on the cheek early that morning. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the time. I still had time to go for a short run before my breakfast date with Matthew. I smiled as I pondered about what I was about to do. My responsible side was telling me to stay home next to my unfriendly husband and avoid trouble. But I was eager to find out what it was going to be like to see Matthew again. And my adventurous side was raving about the potential encounter with my forbidden lover.
I jumped out of bed and got into my running clothes. I chose the running playlist on my ipod and felt the excitement overflowing my veins, making my heart dance inside my chest. I felt like a child on Christmas morning. I ran downstairs and met the beautiful day at the door. Larry was on the phone, with a cigarette in his hand, at the end of the driveway. I waved at him and he waved back, oblivious of my plans.
I lifted my gaze and saw no clouds in the sky. The warm breeze embraced my body as I moved quickly over the pavement. I smelled the eucalyptus and delighted in the rosebuds that shyly showed their beauty along the road. I considered the fact that Matthew might not even show up, but I had decided that I’d go to Coco’s anyway and I would leave it in God’s hands. I should have felt guilty about deceiving my husband, but after all his insults, after all the threats, and all his efforts to defame me, and after all the lies he had told our friends about me, I did not. In the midst of the chaos, I had found peace.
Four miles went by quickly, with my mind occupied on the possibilities of my encounter with Matthew. Would he show up? How would I react if he does? Would I see him as a friend, or would I want to kiss him? Would he see me as a friend or would he want to kiss me? What if Larry follows me? Would I be able to leave the house without him suspecting something?
I rushed back home to get ready. Larry was still on the phone, I wondered if it was still the same call. He covered the speaker and whispered:
“Hey, Isabel, how was your run?”
“Great. I’m gonna meet Danielle for breakfast and some girl talk, do you mind?”
“That’s fine”, he said without showing any signs of distrust. Larry knew my friend Danielle and he knew I had been talking a lot with her on the phone lately, since he was checking my phone records daily. He knew I had talked with her the previous night for about 40 minutes. I faked a smile and rushed upstairs to get ready.
I left the house at ten to ten, the sky was still as clear as it could be.
“Good sign”, I thought as I pulled out of the garage. Larry stuck his head out of his office and waved. I waved back at him and called Danielle. I figured that if I talked to her on the phone, he would check the calls log and believe that I am really meeting with her. I spoke with Danielle and I almost told her about what I was about to do, but then I changed my mind and just drove off to Coco’s, without telling her, without telling anybody. As I pulled into the parking lot I spotted Matthew standing at the door. I started to hyperventilate. That was not a good start.
I took a couple of deep breaths, but I was so anxious to see him, that I couldn’t wait until I calmed down. I walked toward the entrance and he greeted me with a smile and a gentle hug.
“Hello Claire”, he gave me flirty look as he pronounced my fake name with a funny tone.
“Hello Mark”, I responded trying to mimic him and recalling the names I had made up for our secret communications.
The smell of his cologned intoxicated my senses. I stared at him for a few seconds and could see the excitement in his eyes. I was convinced that he was feeling the same infatuation. I spotted trouble!
We walked inside and he sat across me at the table. We had small conversation and talked about work for a while. He was telling me about a surgical technique and started drawing a picture of a hip on a napkin. I could not resist it and touched his hand gently. He flinched and I suddenly realized that I was crossing the line.
“Sorry!”, I said and buried my gaze in my bowl of oatmeal. I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks blush with embarrassment, but he didn’t seem bothered and kept drawing the picture. I was feeling like a seventeen year old at the age of forty. I couldn’t hide my desire to be close to Matthew, and I had the feeling that he was craving the same thing.
“So tell me about the text message break up with that girlfriend”, I asked feeling a hint of jealousy.
Matthew laughed and shook his head. “I had this girlfriend for about a week. I went to her house and she opened the door and walked to her room. I sat in the living room and played with her dog for about thirty minutes wondering when she was going to come out. Finally I decided to go check on her and I found her on the computer, so I asked:
“Dana, are you coming out? What do you want me to do?”
“You can do whatever you want”, she replied in a bitchy tone”. That was it. She reminded me so much of my ex’s attitude. I was not willing to deal with her. I laid on her bed and eventually fell sleep. The next morning I texted her:
“I don’t think things are going to work out between us. It was nice meeting you. Good luck.”
“Oh my gosh, Matthew! What did she say? Did she call you? Did you ever talk to her after that?”
“She was furious, but I think it was better that way. She replied to the text message, but we never talked again.” Matthew brushed his hair with his hands playfully and leaned forward, focusing his greenish eyes in mine. “Now you tell me, Isabel, how are things between you and Larry? I was hoping you were making some progress in your relationship.”
“I was hoping we could save the marriage too, but honestly, our relationship just continues to deteriorate. It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I find this wall in front of me, a wall built with pride, lies, harsh words, insults, and unmerciful anger. I’m not able to knock down this wall. I just see it raise higher and stronger and I don’t know my husband anymore. I feel like it is a different person I’m living with. I can’t believe he’s capable of so much hate and willing to hurt me so much. I don’t have much hope left, unless something miraculous happens. I will give it a little more time, but I don’t think I can survive much longer in this environment. It is not healthy. I am constantly sick to my stomach. I wake up in the morning with no desire to live. I live in fear, wondering what kind of mood Larry is going to be in and how I would be able to put up with it. It’s hell!” I noticed that my eyes were building up some tears that I didn’t want to release.
“So.. is your divorce official yet?” I changed the subject before Matthew would notice:
“No, she forgot to file some papers, so it delayed the process. But probably in the next month or so... She moved out with her mother and she took the kids with her. She seems to be happy with her new boyfriend. It’s been hard, but I’m okay now.”
“You look great, by the way”, I said with a naughty glance at his new gym body.
“You look great too”. I saw his eyes move from my face to my cleavage and back to my eyes. Then he giggled and took another sip of coffee.
The time went by pretty fast, with lots of laughs and complicity looks mingling with hash browns and sips of coffee. We walked across the parking lot to my car to say our goodbyes. We had survived our forbidden encounter, or so we thought.
The heat was very intense and it made it unbearable to carry a conversation in the parking lot.
“It was great seeing you”, I said trying to make the good bye short and sweet.
“It was great seeing you too”, Matthew smiled and our eyes met like never before. I rubbed his arms gently and there was some kind of magnetic energy that absorbed us and brought us closer and closer. He rubbed my arms back, and goosebumps arose all over my body. The magnetic field grew stronger and pulled my lips closer to Matthew’s. Then we let go of all our fears and all our guilt. We allowed the desires of our hearts to take over and closed our eyes to allow our lips to tremble even closer until they conceived the sweetest kiss in the world.
The texture of Matthew’s lips felt like mana for my soul. Once I tasted those lips I knew that I had found the love that I had always dreamed of. I felt safe in his arms. Our bodies moved closer, his hands drawing my waistline towards him and my hands brushing his sun touched hair. We couldn’t stop kissing, but the heat was cruel outside and we were burning inside.
“Do you want to get in the car? I can use some a/c”, I suggested, referring to both.
“Sure!” Matthew opened the door for me and walked around to the passenger side. I started the engine and cranked up the a/c. As soon as Matthew was inside the car, we resumed the kissing, but this time, in the more intimate shelter of my tinted windows, we allowed the lips to wander to new places of our anatomies. Matthew’s lips discovered my neck and my cleavage, and his tongue flickered under my bra. A minute later my hands were climbing Matt’s summit and working their way through the layers of denim and cotton. If it hadn’t been daylight, we would have made love right there.
For the next thirty minutes the time stopped for us, the people faded, our minds stopped thinking, and the passion transported us to a parallel world, where we were free to be ourselves, where our bodies and our souls were so in tune that they’ve become one, inseparable, torrid, unrestrained.
I refused to look at the clock, but I remembered that I had to go back home before Larry started to wonder where I was.
“I don’t want to leave, but I have to...” I whispered in Matthew’s ear, and gently rubbed my lips over his cheeks, to find his lips ready to devour mine. Oh, the sweetness of those kisses that engraved the most beautiful memories in every corner of my heart. I had taken the first bite of the forbidden fruit, but instead of feeling ashamed of my sin, I was feeling the most sincere and pure love surrounding us. And deep inside we both knew that this was real love.
It was hard to say good bye. We couldn’t stop hugging and kissing. We knew that we were playing with fire and we didn’t want to get burned. We didn’t talk about meeting again. We knew that if we met again, it would be in a hotel, and we knew if we made love we would want to do it again, and again, and my marriage would be over, because of Matthew. And we didn’t want that to happen. So we didn’t talk about it, we just enjoyed our brief and beautiful moment and left our hearts in Coco’s parking lot.
I drove away with a big smile and the smell of Matthew’s cologne lingering on my skin. I had touched heaven with my fingertips and I wanted so bad to hold on to the cloud, that was slipping from my grasp. I pulled my make up bag out of my purse and sprayed some perfume, trying to cover the smell of the other man’s cologne.
A feeling of frustration and sadness took over, when I realized that the most wonderful moment of my life had come to an end. Even worse, I knew that as much as Matthew and I wanted to be together again, it was very unlikely that we would allow it to happen. Reality slapped me in the face and I felt my heart crumble in pieces, as I approached my neighborhood to face my lonely life next to Larry.
Now the challenge was to pretend that I was coming from having breakfast with my girlfriend. I’m not a good liar and I was worried that my behavior would reveal the truth about my date. Then I thought that Larry had been treating me as if I had already cheated, for the last few months. And I believed it was unfair, because I had forgiven, in my opinion, worse things that he had done. I pondered about all his lies and his intentions to hurt me. Suddenly, peace came back to my heart, as I understood that, ironically, I had paid in advance for what I had just done. I felt relieved thinking that if my husband was going to treat me like a whore, I might as well become one.
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